Monday, November 29, 2010

The Waiting Room

Here I sit
A surgical waiting room

My husband's having foot surgery today
His ankle has fallen and it can't get up

Sorry...a bit of humor to calm the nerves

and...I don't mean to make light of the situation
In reality, it has fallen as a result of an extra bone and a torn tendon and he has not been able to walk without pain and a limp in a very long time

So here we are...

he behind the door...
"Authorized Personnel Only"

and I in the waiting room...filled with unfamiliar faces...a blaring TV
on the other side of the door

While I wait...
An anesthesiologist monitors his vitals while keeping him sedated
Mr. SSS...oblivious to the pain that his body is enduring
incisions being made
colleagues being consulted
bones being fused
plates, screws, stitches

while I sit in the waiting room
waiting to hear that he's okay
what choices were made by the physician for him to once again be able to walk without pain
I think...

Is this how it is with God?
He with me
The Great Physician
Behind the invisible door
I in the waiting room
I can't see Him
but He's there
Authorized by me to perform whatever type of surgery necessary
to make me His
wholly His
whatever it takes

Incisions, fusions, stitches, anesthesia
decisions as to what would be best...
filtered through His fingers of love
to make me be able
to be
all He made me to be

Will I authorize Him to make whatever decisions necessary for my life, no matter how bad it hurts to make me into the person He intended me to be? To fulfill a Greater Plan. To fuse together circumstances that, in the end, will make me be able to walk without a limp. And stitch together the hurts and sadness necessary for wholeness to return and His will to be done.

The door opens...
surgery is done
He's in recovery...did well...not as bad as they first thought
no pins, screws or plates
many incisions, stitches and
there will be pain
6-8 week recovery
a smile and a hug from the physician
"call me if you need anything"
"the pain will all be worth it"

Words to remember
I will call on my Great Physician when I need anything...
because the pain will all be worth it

Sunday, November 28, 2010

The Empty Place

A time to thank God for my blessings
And they are many

Material things

A warm and lovely home
food in the fridge
cars in the garage
an endless list too numerous to post

Heart-string things

A loving husband
A daughter and son-in-law
A brand new granddaughter
A group of friends that rival no other
A prodigal who is missing but deeply loved

Spiritual Things

My God
My Salvation
My Hope in the One Who has given me all of these things

Why can holidays hurt so bad?
They are meant to be a time of
coming together
loving on one another....
But for many

...And my time came this year...

They hurt
They hurt bad, and deeply, and to the core of my being
someone missing

An empty place at my table

He said he was coming
...maybe bringing a friend
but 5 minutes before he was to arrive
the phone rang

"not feeling well..."
"can't come"
"maybe next time"

When my daughter and family arrived, her face was masked
trying to be strong for me, I'm sure
Hurting in her own way

The table was set for six
Easily seating eight
Time to reduce it to four

Hurriedly she removed the place setting
erasing the hope of a shared family meal
sparing me the unspoken pain that was already
seeping through my pores...

This year was to be the year we
added a place to the table
The birth of our granddaughter symbolized the
increase to our family
to rejoice in the gift of new life
and we did...


there was still that empty place

It makes me wonder how many times God has "set a place" at His table for me. (Psalm 23:5) And how many times I haven't shown up. How many times He waits for me to come to Him so that He can comfort me and give me rest in my time of need.
So that He can tell me that I'm valuable and loved and a special part of
His family
That he can tell me that I'm irreplaceable
That others can come to share in His bounty, too
they don't take my place
That He sets a place before Him
just for me

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Do you have "Freeze Protection" ?

At five a.m. I hear the grinding motor
It awoke me from my sleep
You know that've heard that sound before...but you can't place it's the pool filter
What's the pool filter doing running at 5am?
Hmmmm...oh was supposed to get cold out last night
yup...(I say groggily) but this is only November...and it's Southern California
But there's that motor sound again
Struggling against itself
Ahhhh...freeze protection must have activated the pool filter to automatically come on
to prevent the water from freezing
But why that awful sound?
The water level in the pool must have dipped below it's proper water line
and the filter is being forced to work over time
pumping the water through the pipes so that the filter system can work correctly
struggling against itself
so to speak...

I climb out of bed
already anticipating that rush of cold air
knowing that I'm going to have to climb behind bushes
find the hose
figure out why the auto-fill on the pool is not working
get that pool filled with water...pronto

(Note: Mr. SSS is sleeping soundly with his ear plugs tucked securely in his ears)

Okay...found the hose
UGHHH...nozzle on hose is froze to the hose
(no...this is not the start of a new Dr. Seuss book)
Hmmm...canola oil....maybe if I can just lubricate the head....
NOPE...won't budge


Okay...let's see if we can get the auto-fill turned back on...
Nope...pool guy must have turned it off for the season
Must be a way...
Nope...I can hold it on manually...but
between getting stabbed by the sharp pointies of the palm trees
and stooping into the damp bushes
(with goodness knows what type of little creatures) NOT going to work I wake the hubby?
He hasn't been sleeping well
It's a Saturday...his day to sleep

The grinding of the motors is driving me mad
so it's off to roust Mr. SSS

Creeping toward his bed-side I'm armed with an apology
Sorry, honey
Couldn't figure this one out on my own

I rub his arm
Gingerly he sits up...a bit startled
Removes neon orange ear plugs
Proceeds to pool area

...calmly he explains that the hose can still work
just secure the clip over the nozzle which will force the water out

the auto fill can be simply turned back on
just flip the green switch at the bottom
(okay...but now the sun has poked through and he can SEE)
(which I couldn't an hour before)

but I did note that he turned the outside light on
which, I must admit, never crossed my mind

He also smugly mentioned that I could have just manually
turned the filter off
the water would have NEVER frozen

( why would they install a feature that is not necessary??)

Before long
water is filling the bit too empty pool
the motor is starting to relax
the water features are not straining
and the pool is running as it should
filtering the water through the necessary channels
so the water doesn't freeze..

at nearly 7:30am
the freeze protection shuts off
The pool filters stop

All is quiet and still

God...are you talking to me?

This little drama
reminds me of my life right now...

My "Freeze protection"
has been working over-time

Okay, God...
I can't figure this out on my own....

Life with a prodigal
can cause that to happen

I'm realizing that
my "Living Water" line
dip beneath a certain point
the motors start racing
the filters start straining
and, in general,
there's just a lot of unpleasant noise!

Mostly internal noise
You know...the committee in your head
those voices that cause you to


Those voices that shout
shoulda, coulda, woulda

The voices that tell you,
"If only"

"If only you had seen this coming..."
"If only you had been a better mother..."
"If only you had acted sooner..."

Those destructive voices that can cause your
motors to strain...
your self-worth, to plummet
to struggle against itself...

in ways that God never intended...

what can I do?

I can fill myself up with that Living Water
And in times like these...

I need that Water
I need the Word


I need it to fill those places that hurt
and still those voices that condemn

I need to do all that I can do to keep my motors running smoothly
so they don't wake me up in a panic
and stir me into unproductive action...

make me


with emotions that can incapacitate me...

I run to Him who gives me strength


I believe His intention is to
provide me with what I need


the freeze occurs....


the motors start straining
and the noise becomes deafening
when necessary...

turn myself off just for a little while
just temporarily...
while I

God wants me to come to Him
relax in Him
"Be still...and know that He is God"

He is a BIG God
and even though
sometimes I fail in filling up...
and I let me emotions run amok...

I can be grateful that I have access to

The Great Freeze Protector
...never sleeps
...never needs to be rousted always awake and ready to help
...Who's light is always on

Who will, once again
help me to
and fill me with
Living Water

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Best of Intentions

Best of Intentions...

When i started this blog, i had grand ideas...
All things Beach...

How i surround myself with sand, sea and sun
to soothe my soul.

Thought i would share pics of my beach cottage in suburbia
decorating thoughts...and requests

Coastal recipes and sea-side fare

Trips to the beach and beachy boutiques to find hidden treasures

and find other kindred souls that share my passion

but this was not to be

it was a bummer summer!

Overwhelming joy with the birth of our granddaughter

Overwhelming sorrow with the plight of a prodigal

Hence my absence on the blog...

Much prayer and months later, my desire to blog continues to stir deep in my soul-

it may be cathartic and therapeutic

as i navigate through the "storm at sea" that stirs in our lives...

so...if you'll indulge me

I'll let God direct as I seek wisdom as to how to brave the waves that threaten to
crash over me
and allow my blog to reflect the realities of life...

Sunday, August 15, 2010

The homecoming

Welcome Home Samantha Grace

The homecoming was happy and Samantha has been precious since
the day she arrived home

Stylin' like her Mama

How Big is Samantha?

Soooooo Biggggg!

Honestly, she just loves to raise her arms and stretch!

Her mama and papa love to call her "lizard" because of all her stretching.

Do lizards stretch?

Friday, July 9, 2010

Water Break #2

12 hours later...

Haley's water broke!

Not another plumbing issue but the real deal. The fixture that was supposed to burst, did its thing!

Samantha must have heard about the scheduled induction and decided that NO one was going to tell her what to do!

Hmmm....note to self....strong-willed child issues pending and probable.

The phone rang at 3:22am and in a foggy state I kind of knew who would be at the other end.

Jordan was calling with news that Haley had been having contractions for the last couple of hours and that her water had just broke but they were instructed to wait a few more hours until reporting to the hospital.

The phone rang again at 5am. It was TIME!

G-Mama...that would be me...hightailed it down to the hospital.

Daughter in pain, son-in-law attending to her needs, nurses monitoring baby "S" was all quite surreal.

Labor intensified, epidural given, sanity restored! Thank God for pain relief during child-birth!

Haley progressed and a new celebration of life ensued

Samantha Grace was born 7/7/10
at 11:32am
8lbs 6oz., 20 inches long

Praise God for the miracle of new life! She is beautiful!

What a gift and a privilege it was to be present at her birth. Words cannot adequately express the awe in witnessing a miracle of God. Anyone that says that God does not perform miracles in our modern day society has not seen a baby being born.

New life...a precious sight.

Haley and Jordan gave me a gift that I will never forget. To see my first grandchild born is life-changing.

Let the Grandma Good-Times Roll!

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Water Break...just not what we planned!

It 's been a day of flowing water...just not the type for which we hoped!

After running errands, I returned home to find my plumber...who I had left at the house 4 hours earlier... scurrying out to his truck. He was moving at quite a fast pace so I didn't want to disturb him. After carrying a load into the house I sensed that something wasn't quite right. There was the distinct sound of dripping which I attributed to the rotten weather we were having...can you say "rain" in July in So. Cal?? Ugh! a bit off track.

Anyway...the plumber called to me saying that he had something he needed to show me. I asked if there was a problem and he said "kind of."

Well...nothing prepared me for what I was about to see. My family room had water dripping through my ceiling and light fixtures. As I moved closer, the ceiling fan began to have a poltergeist moment and started whipping at a tremendous rate of speed...flashing the lights....and spraying water around the room in whirlybird fashion. Quite a sight to see considering it wasn't turned on! Apparently it was shorting out from the electrical current but I maintain that it was possessed! For sure an exorcism was in order. didn't take long as the drywall in the ceiling started to give way and the fixture became history and landed all over the floor in a million pieces.

Water, water, everywhere. Windows, floors, pictures, built in cabinets and all my BEACHY trinkets. Wish I had taken pictures but it was happening so fast, all I could do was try and salvage my furniture and keep-sakes by throwing towels in every direction.

Carpets are pulled back...industrial fans are whirring loudly....ceilings are is strewn throughout the house....washing machine is going non-stop...Tina's exhausted!

Certainly a day when I could have used some sand, sea OR sun. Maybe the sun will come out tomorrow....hmm...sounds like a song!

I find it very ironic that we've been waiting with bated breath for Haley's water to break and instead, mine breaks. Not quite what we had in mind!

9 Days and counting

Haley is scheduled to be induced first thing Thursday morning. We'd much prefer for Miss Samantha to come on her own, but if not, we're just gonna have to help her along! Although it would be kind of neat if God allowed today's water break to be a precursor to another!